Two weeks (Feb 24 ) prior to the disaster in Japan I felt the Lord was calling me to Japan. I felt burdened and anxious to "Go", but I payed no attention to this much. Another week passed and on Thursday (March 10) morning I felt a urgency and Desire to "Go". Shortly after I hear that Japan gets hit by a earthquake.
For the past 6-8 months I knew I was going to Go to Japan, China and Philippines it was just all a matter of "when".
Shortly after the earthquake I jumped for the opportunity to do something. I was assembling a team, keeping updated with the news, searching out locations and strategic locations for the best places to branch out for a volunteer relief aid. All the while Im praying about "when". As I prayed into this matter, I assumed that God wanted me to "Go". Tuesday rolls by and everything feels right, but one thing. It was a matter of "when" in my heart that I could not brush off.
Time was running short and I "knew" that the Lord was calling me to "Go"!
So...
I let everyone know that I have decided that i'm going to Go.
Something was bothering me this whole time so and I really wanted to know if it was really a Word from the Lord.
I prayed all day, all night.
I pulled some of my dearest friends to pray with me, and I asked if we could pray together.
We waited to hear....
they left and gave me simple words...
I needed to seek the answer myself with God
and 1 kings 19:9-18
9There he came to a cave and lodged in it. And behold,(A) the word of the LORD came to him, and he said to him, "What are you doing here, Elijah?" 10He said, "I have been very(B) jealous for the LORD, the God of hosts. For the people of Israel have forsaken your covenant,(C) thrown down your altars, and(D) killed your prophets with the sword,(E) and I, even I only, am left, and they seek my life, to take it away." 11And he said, "Go out and(F) stand on the mount before the LORD." And behold, the LORD passed by, and(G) a great and strong wind tore the mountains and broke in pieces the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. And after the wind(H) an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. 12And after the earthquake a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire the sound of a low whisper.[a] 13And when Elijah heard it,(I) he wrapped his face in his cloak and went out and stood at the entrance of the cave. And behold,(J) there came a voice to him and said, "What are you doing here, Elijah?" 14He said,(K) "I have been very jealous for the LORD, the God of hosts. For the people of Israel have forsaken your covenant,(L)thrown down your altars, and killed your prophets with the sword, and I, even I only, am left, and they seek my life, to take it away." 15And the LORD said to him, "Go, return on your way to the wilderness of Damascus. And when you arrive, you shall anoint Hazael to be king over Syria. 16(M) And Jehu the son of Nimshi you shall anoint to be king over Israel, and(N) Elisha the son of Shaphat of Abel-meholah you shall anoint to be prophet in your place. 17And the one who escapes from(O) the sword of Hazael(P) shall Jehu put to death, and the one who escapes from the sword of Jehu(Q) shall Elisha put to death. 18(R) Yet I will leave seven thousand in Israel, all the knees that have not bowed to Baal, and every mouth that has not(S) kissed him."
The question that hit home for me was "What are you doing here?"
God was not asking because he did not know! He was asking to reveal something inside our heart. THATS WHAT HE DID.
God was revealing to me my heart, my pride, my stubbornness, my so called "reputation".
He wanted me to give it all up. He said "before I can use you, we need to deal with some issues."
the next word that moved me was verse 15
"Go, return on your way to the wilderness of Damascus."
through this I felt as if the Lord put the Urgency in my heart to "Go" but it was just a heart and urgency for Japan that I mis-interpreted.
Right after the Lord said "go" in verse 15 the next word was return.
I truly felt if the Lord was asking me. "why did you come to Kona? what are you doing here? do you remember why you came here for?"
I forgot the main reason why I came to Kona!
I came to pour my life, my passion, my desire for the Lord into the students lives.
I believe that I spoke out to early and something birthed to early!
Forgive me for going outside of the Lords timing and my stubbornness for not relenting.
With all that is going on here I am here committed to my word I gave to school.
I want to be standing firmly on my word, so that I can stand firm on God's Word.
I humbly ask for your forgiveness.
I am truly sorry
